


okay, sweetie

by halfwheeze



Series: Marvel Spookytober 2019 [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Awesome Pepper Potts, Fake Dating, First Kiss, M/M, MIT Era, Mistletoe, Protective Pepper Potts, Texting, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Tony Stark, mistletoe kiss, texting fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 04:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20924165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfwheeze/pseuds/halfwheeze
Summary: In which James Rhodes asks Tony Stark to be his fake boyfriend and Pepper Potts immediately regrets it.





	okay, sweetie

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to Day 6 of Spookytober!  
Prompt: “We’ve been listening to the Monster Mash for four hours now. Please, I’m begging you, play something else!" 
> 
> Also, bingo fills!:  
Marvel Rare Pair Square O1: Torture  
Ironhusbands Square N2: Fake Dating

December 15. 1:15pm. 

Rhooodey: Wanna do me a giant favor? 

ThottyStark: probably not, but what’s the sitch? 

Rhooodey: What’s the sitch, lil kim possible ass. 

ThottyStark: Rhodithan. 

Rhooodey: Smh okay. 

Rhooodey: Told my sister I was dating someone. 

Rhooodey: They told me to bring someone to Christmas. 

Rhooodey: Please come in with the assist. 

ThottyStark: you want me to pretend to be your boyfriend so you don’t have to tell kimmy that you’re a dirty liar 

Rhooodey: Yep. That’s about it. 

Rhooodey: Also don’t want my mom to get that Look where she’s Worried about me. 

ThottyStark: not the Mama Rhodes Look 

Rhooodey: That one. 

December 15. 5:47pm. 

Rhooodey: I know I agreed to let you have wavelength over the apartment for 24 hours as a part of Negotiations. 

Rhoodey: But. 

Rhooodey: We’ve been listening to the Monster Mash for four hours now. Please, I’m begging you, play something else!

ThottyStark: Tough tiddies. 

Rhooodey: Stop using capitals and periods, it makes me think you’re mad. 

Rhooodey: Yes, I know that’s how I text. 

ThottyStark: smh 

ThottyStark: halloween year round, babey!! 

ThottyStark: oh shit what petnames am i gonna call you by 

Rhooodey: You have called me Babe six times in the past three days.

ThottyStark: okay and 

ThottyStark: what are you, a cop? fuck off 

ThottyStark: what am i gonna call you tho 

ThottyStark: what do you want your parents to think you’re okay with being called 

ThottyStark: babe? sweetie? sweetheart? shnookums? 

Rhooodey: Definitely not shnookums. 

Rhooodey: We want them to think I’m in a relationship, not bodysnatched. 

ThottyStark: okay, sweetie

Rhooodey: You’re gross. 

Rhooodey: Come to the living room so we can have this talk and cuddle. 

ThottyStark: PUTTING ON A SHIRT 

Rhooodey: Ew, why? 

ThottyStark: don’t wanna put on my binder and putting on a bra is not an option rn

Rhooodey: Alrighty. 

ThottyStark: dweeb

December 16. 11:19am. 

ThottyStark: but like 

ThottyStark: do we “break up” after this??

ThottyStark: bc im not risking my relationship with ur mom over this ngl

Rhooodey: My mom would pick you anyway lmao. 

ThottyStark: i mean correct 

ThottyStark: but i don’t wanna make her choose

Rhooodey: How about we burn that bridge when we get there, Tones? 

ThottyStark: don’t you mean cross? 

Rhooodey: Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy? 

ThottyStark: i hate this 

December 20. 2:36pm. 

Tonyana: i think im dying pep

Pepperoncinis: no you’re just gay

Tonyana: yeah maybe 

Tonyana: this is torture 

Tonyana: im in love with him 

Tonyana: i just got the talk from his brother and sister

Tonyana: but they trust me with him 

Pepperoncinis: of course they do

Pepperoncinis: you’re obviously too gay and stupid to hurt him 

Tonyana: okay hurtful but accurate 

Pepperoncinis: it’s who i am

Tonyana: tea.

Pepperoncinis: go mingle, demon child 

Tonyana: homophobia 

Pepperoncinis: i’m a lesbian tony 

Tonyana: ugh yeah 

Pepperoncinis: go mingle 

Tonyana: fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine 

Pepperoncinis: love you 

Tonyana: love you too smh

December 20. 8:22pm. 

Tonyana: kimmy just asked rhodey when he’s gonna pop the question 

Tonyana: tell me why he looked SOFT AS FUCK 

Tonyana: and told her “i wanna wait til we graduate, but as soon as possible after that” 

Pepperoncinis: because you guys are gay and i’m exhausted? 

Pepperoncinis: because he’s been in love with you for like 5 years? 

Pepperoncinis: because you two exist in a gay bubble in which you’re the only people in the universe? 

Pepperoncinis: because it’s eight pm and i was already in bed? 

Tonyana: now we don’t have time to unpack ALL of that 

Pepperoncinis: of course we don’t 

Pepperoncinis: i can’t unpack all of your emotional baggage 

Pepperoncinis: i just want to go to sleep 

Tonyana: i 

Tonyana: alright

Tonyana: goodnight pep i love you 

Pepperoncinis: night tones 

Pepperoncinis: love you 

December 21. 3:43pm. 

Tonyana: he just kissed me under the mistletoe 

Pepperoncinis: mazel tov 

Tonyana: what does this mean

Pepperoncinis: jesus fucking fuck 

December 25. 5:54am.

Tonyana: he just woke me up to take me on a Christmas Walk 

Pepperoncinis: and you had to wake me up for that? 

Tonyana: pepper what does any of this mean 

Pepperoncinis: can you get your gay head out of your gay ass 

Tonyana: pls im stupid 

Pepperoncinis: you’re a genius, but you’re so dumb 

Pepperoncinis: okay 

Pepperoncinis: so when a boy loves a boy very much 

Tonyana: shuuuuuuuuuuuuuut up 

Pepperoncinis: go enjoy yourself smh you gay trainwreck 

December 29. 6:57pm. 

Pepperoncinis: fuck you for convincing me to live in the same building as you and rhodes 

Pepperoncinis: tho i suppose i’d be a little late to that particular party 

December 29. 7:45pm. 

Pepperoncinis: the stamina on rhodey 

Pepperoncinis: goddamn 

December 29. 9:15pm. 

Tonyana: still not sure what we are lmao

Pepperoncinis: are you fucking kidding me? 

December 29. 9:27pm. 

PepperfuckingPotts: Can you please tell Tony you’re dating? 

JamesfuckingRhodes: I just fucked him. 

PepperfuckingPotts: Yeah, because no one has ever fucked him and left him. 

JamesfuckingRhodes: Shit. 

PepperfuckingPotts: What did you do? 

JamesfuckingRhodes: Leave the apartment while he was in the shower to go grab dinner? 

PepperfuckingPotts: You’re both a fucking trainwreck. 

December 29. 9:30pm. 

Rhooodey: I’m just going to get dinner, I didn’t like… leave-leave. 

ThottyStark: oh thank fuck 

ThottyStark: thank you for averting that half of an anxiety attack htrgsewrgt

Rhooodey: I’ll be back soon, baby, I promise. 

Rhooodey: And thank Pepper, I didn’t even think about it. 

Rhooodey: I love you and I’ll be back in a minute. 

ThottyStark: love you too 

December 29. 9:32pm. 

Tonyana: you are better than any of us deserve 

Pepperoncinis: i know this 

Pepperoncinis: but srsly quite down when y’all fuck or i’m calling the landlord 

Tonyana: pep i own the building 

Pepperoncinis: yea i’ll call your aunt peggy 

Tonyana: dtrh5wyt4wgrethjrykjthrsb

Tonyana: why don’t you love me as you once did 

Pepperoncinis: you mean when i was trying to pretend i was str8? 

Pepperoncinis: bc that’s a no from me 

Tonyana: rgthytdhtgr

Tonyana: shut up 

Pepperoncinis: keyboard smash keyboard smash 

Pepperoncinis: we get it you’re a bottom 

Tonyana: S T O P 

Tonyana: where is rhodey, he’ll be nice to me 

Pepperoncinis: goin to get you dinner, little needy ass 

Pepperoncinis: smh kids these days 

Tonyana: the audacity 

Pepperoncinis: i can hear him coming up the stairwell 

Pepperoncinis: get fucked!! 

Tonyana: i’ll do my best!!! 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Kudos and comment!
> 
> Yell at me @primekent on tumblr!


End file.
